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A couple of years ago I was commissioned to some artwork. She told me the colors in the room and then gave me free reign. I'd seen an image of an old door with stone stairs leading down. So I began creating my world on canvas. Interestingly, in the midst of it's creation, I read a newsletter from Nikol Rogers. It was about tending the moss. I've always been struck by this synchronicity and I felt like it lead me to some answers of why I was drawn to the deep mossy areas of the steps. I was inspired to write about it while I was working. The door is not what you think. We are told all our lives that when one door closes, another opens. Is it an obstacle or a possibility? that door Must we search for the key? is the key what is needed? Or is what is needed, the key? That way may lay wondrous mysteries; our brain likes to think about those prospects, in bright shiny glowing images with a trill of music, always looking forward. And yet my feet hesitate….my hand falls to my side I am drawn to the depths… Down there is the cool. Is it ominous? That dark? Or is it simply peace. The mosses have consumed. They come to disturbed sites, stabilize, and make space for new growth. Quietly, slowly, firmly. Not active, yet steady. It beckons Possibly my soul is seeking to not seek. To just…..Be 
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I had a busy weekend, cleaning up my yard to hopefully seed some grass and cleaning out my back cabinet that has just been accumulating more and more things since I moved into this house (6 years ago?). They are offering Spring Clean-up in my town this Thursday, you put your stuff out on the curb and they pick it up. It's nice, I missed it last year; loaded up a bunch of stuff to put out, then looked around wondering why no one else had stuff out.....found the flyer and I was a day late. This year, while I should have done more than just the cabinet, I'm 3 days early!
Holding space for that healing...♥  snapped this with my phone a few years ago. Zoomed in, cropped a bit and added sunspots with a filter, turned out pretty cool!
I got a late start on my day this morning, and ended starting late on my blog. So short it is.
Got a few things started today, finished a couple. My car is in peices while trying to figure out my no sound stereo. I want some more chocolate. And I happilyg just discovered the Masked Singer has been back for 7 episodes, so I have bingeing ahead! I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend! It feels like it's been a super long week. Possibly because I had to recover from my busy weekend and it took pretty. much. all. week. I think I'm there. I dipped my toe into my new venture: airbrush tattoos. I thought it might be a way to make some extra cash this summer. Time will tell. Even for free, I only had 3 customers....that doesn't bode well, however, it was limited exposure at our art cooperative, I'm REALLY hoping festivals will be better attended since they are out doors. Our city is planning on some additional maker's markets too, so fingers crossed. I've tried to come up with designs that will appeal to adults as well since I really enjoyed getting an airbrush tattoo years ago. Keeping myself entertained, I did one on myself last Saturday. The tattoo looked really cool, my photography, not so much. Have a fantastic weekend bloggy groupies!  I'm trapped in reaction, yup! After just talking about how it's a good idea to pause, I'm rushing in. After the issues yesterday trying to get the blog function to work on Weebly, I had more issues this morning. It will let me post or discard, but nothing was coming up for an entry. So I just hit post, let's see what happens. It posted! Just a date. So trying to delete that off the page I ended up inadvertently deleting yesterday too! ARGGGhhhh..... I'm sad. There is no going back, I tried. I'm regretful that I didn't think about copying from the other page I had it open on still. But that is a hindsight thing. not helpful thoughts
Do I really have to go through it all every time? Yup! And just like Kyle Cease loves to say, "And I love it." WTF? Love stupid things happening and then reacting more stupidly? YUP! Because it's there, it happened, why NOT love it? Fighting it is going to take SO much more energy. It's allowing. It's space in the container. and it takes practice. every damn day. (Kyle Cease is a motivational/transformational speaker who developed the program "Evolving Out Loud")   I wrote a completely different blog. I chickened out on posting it. It was a rant about social media. I am going to save it for after the 30 days is finished. I just don't want to put something so volatile out there in this public of forum. (the group) So picking a more safe topic, I've been thinking about developing a practice that I share with a membership on art journaling as a way of holding myself accountable. I realized years ago that art was healing for me. And I have a firm belief that creativity is the essence of the soul. Since then I've looked for a good way to share that with others. I've realized that for it to be truly beneficial it needs to be a practice, likely a daily one. I'm not good about a daily practice. I do art often for sure. And I know a daily practice would benefit me in the mindfulness area. But I am having a hard time making it a practice. EVEN though I KNOW it would be good for me. AND I know it would be good for other people! And I know that if I have people depending on me, I'm more likely to do it. BUT - that just further proves and abets the fact that I am better at taking care of other people than I am at taking care of myself. I'll do it for someone else, but not for me. So if I put myself in the position of "having" to take care of my members, am I actually hamstringing myself? And not taking care of myself? Or am I buying into psychobabble, and I would actually be in service to others, which is a legitimate calling....Does a calling have to have a clear and concise syllabus? Cuz mine doesn't! Interesting how I can flip flop on all this. Maybe it's just fear. Likely it's just fear. Did I say I picked a safe topic? I meant for the reader in general, I'm never safe. Am I ever safe? I feel safe doing art. Mostly. Ok, I feel safe just being creative. With no end goal. And that's why all the above. holding space for my ramblings.... ~deb  (Really day 17 for me, but who's counting. Wait.....IS someone counting? O_o) Yes, my humor is an acquired taste, but I digress, again. I did miss blogging over the weekend. I was doing airbrush tattoo demonstrations on Saturday at my artist cooperative, and spending much needed time with my daughters that evening for my oldest daughter's birthday. I'm not going to try to say I didn't have the time, but I didn't have the energy. And that's ok. I was overwhelmingly grateful for all the responses to my last post on "Take a deep breath, and forgive yourself everything"! It really resonated. And most of us forget! We forget to offer ourselves that forgiveness on a regular basis. We drop back into our old habits and before we know we are buried deep in that pile of yuck. Hey, you can forgive yourself for that too. What I've discovered is that I have to take that breath and forgive myself many times a day. We are such goal oriented, linear thinking creatures, that we think once we've learned something, we've reached our goal and that's it! We should be happy, at peace, whatever. The truth is, life isn't really linear. It's a cycle. Things are going to come back around and you are going to need to deal with them again and again and again. It feels like that forgiveness didn't really work, because I keep ending up back here. It did work. But you have to keep doing it. It has to become a habit and practiced every day. I call that "Rinse & Repeat". I'm considering developing and offering that practice to a membership. I find it helps to have support and for me, accountability. But that is another post. .....with compassion ~deb♥  (above is from my first art showing almost 5 years ago)
For a long time now, my mantra has been: Take a deep breath, and forgive yourself everything. I'm not even sure where I found the image, but it still really resonates with me. Now this doesn't mean forgiveness for some big mistake in your past (although that needs to be included). To me, it means forgive yourself for all the things you think you are falling short in, or even for the thought thinking that you ARE falling short. Forgive yourself for all those things you beat yourself up about all day long. Because guess what? Beating yourself up doesn't help. All it does is keep you stuck. Stuck in feeling like someone who deserves to be beaten up. Would you do that to your friend! Never! But you are your BEST friend and you treat you like SHIT! Just like forgiveness for someone who wronged you is about freeing yourself, so is this. You are doing it for you, so you can let go and move forward. So take a deep breath in......... breathe in forgiveness..... and blow out all the shit. Let it all go. ALL of it! You don't have to hold onto one single thing. All you have to do is just be. That's it. Be.  I sit here listening to the tires on wet pavement swishing by. We have rain that will likely turn to snow later as it cools down and will continue in to Friday. We always get snowstorms late in the spring, hopefully this is the last one. Chilly rain makes me want to snuggle up with a good book and a fluffy blanket. It also makes me feel slower, more calm and a bit introspective. I do love the sound of rain on the roof and the fresh scent after. Of course this may be of the more frozen sort. Can you smell frozen? I don't have much to say today. I had a fabulous post on Facebook saved to use as a prompt, only to find it "unavailable" any longer for reasons only known to the universe.
~deb♥  I actually really love a bad Dad joke, but I love a bad pun even badder. I don't purport to be any good at making one, but I can spot one a smile away. Here are a few I found: Sorry to start where it hurts, but this one really made me laugh:
 I have no excuse, Wacky Wednesday?
~deb♥ |
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January 2024
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