My heart needs a balm. 
A rich, lush salve to smooth over it's tender spots.
Sweet smelling ointment to soothe the ragged soul.
As I gently rub it in, soft words of tenderness
Accepting those wouds as valid
And easing that pain with compassion
These days beat you up
Disagreements oft make enemies
When opinion holds more weight than common ideals
How far can you open your heart?
More likely the mind is the limiter
As it's memory of pain keeps fear forward
Would that I could wrap my arms around that fear
And whisper in it's ear
It's ok, I love you too, thank you for keeping me safe.
Rest just now.  
Help me massage in this balm
​And begin to heal

My heart had been hurting anyway.  Just feeling this like deep sad. 
I've been mourning the loss of a dream and of my home.  Do I have a perfectly good home, well, sort of.  Apparently it's going to cost a mint to heat, which sucks.  And I love living closer to work and town.  
But living IN town?  It sucks. I want to be a trusting person. I can't be. Before I even was moved into my new place, I had something stolen.  2 months in, a brand new 3 wheel bike (no I'm not calling it a trike!) was stolen from my yard.
It feels so GODDAMN defeating to work so hard and have other people just snatch it from you.
So, I divorce myself from wants, yet again....it doesn't seem fair to have to do so, but in truth we aren't guaranteed a damn thing in this life other than struggle.  Yeah, I should look at struggles as challenges that just make me stronger. I'm not there.  It hurts and it just needs to hurt for bit.  Maybe forever.