Tuesday Bluesday, anyone else have more issues with Tuesday than they do with Mondays?
I don't know why, but Tuesday is the day I want to crawl in a hole and stay there.
Maybe Monday traumatized me.

• Trying to focus on my business marketing. After the success of last weeks workshop, I'm trying to prepare myself for the let down this week is looking like it will be. Did I manifest that?

(Looking back at history, there's no rhyme or reason why some classes go and others fizzle. Indeed, there have been some I didn't really want to teach that were crazy popular, so I don't feel like alignment is at issue, unless it is the universe aligning in laughter at my expense....)

• Wow, I'm just realizing how scattered I am feeling. (I mean in general, the Tuesday thing is just a given)
• Another realization this week is that I am much better at doing for others than I am at doing for me.
• I got a wild hair earlier in the year and bought an airbrush system planning on doing airbrush tattoos at festivals.  I was reminded early in my experiments why I didn't pursue airbrushing years ago.  1-I am not a patient person when there is a real learning curve to something and 2-even water based paints are PAIN in the ass to clean up in the airbrushes.  I have concerns
• Anyone else feel like updating their website just sucks the life out of you?
• I bought some spring bulbs that were already growing on Saturday.  Seriously, they were just little green sprigs.  Yesterday 2 of Irises had bloomed and the other Muscari (known as grape hyacinth) has grown 4 inches! I am humbled by natures possibilities!  We had sssoooo many irises around my house growing up and I really wanted that from my childhood. I did, however, find out that there are dwarf iris bulbs that differ from my experience and that is what I had purchased.

• today's overused word is "that"
• I managed to recover 4 of the chairs from my art cooperative I am a member of, and they don't look terrible. Bonus, what I figured would cover 4.5 chairs will cover 5.25 (lol)
• now I need to go do some HEAVY marketing and even HEAVIER hoping on my new painting challenge I am trying out (remember that title? no, me either, that was a long time ago, but yeah, this is the new thing I am trying out).  See what the crazy lady is talking about here: Emerge April Painting Challenge
• 
  have a fantastic day!
  ~deb

Well, I start ALOT of texts, messages and sentences with that word.  I'm trying to break myself of the habit. Although, if I am honestly putting my thoughts down, yeah, that's how many start.  After a crazy rampage of OTHER thoughts...I can settle and start at well.
Betcha didn't need to know all that did ya? 
Oh! And there would be many more curse words.
MANY more.
so many more.
Which I guess brings me to todays subject.  Er, yesterdays topic, since I am a day behind as I was getting ready to state earlier, starting with "well".... Well, about 11:00 last night I realized I forgot to blog, and I was going to do it right then.  Snacking happened, then sleep happened. 
Fast forward to today.  We will call this day 11, part one, since I intend to get actual day 11 in later.
Where were we?  Oh yeah, my topic! That showed up amidst my ramblings.  
How much do we edit? Speaking for myself, I know I have at least 10 other thoughts related to the one sentence I actually get out.  And those are the coherent ones. Throw in the feelings and I am almost at overload.  Is that an introvert thing?
We edit cursing (to some extent), we edit harmful words (to some extent),
we edit shadow thoughts, we edit and edit and edit until one has to wonder.....does anyone ever really see our true selves?  Hell, do WE even see it?
How much harm does editing actually do?  What if we are robbing others by doing so? Robbing them of their full experience? And shorting ourselves.
Then I start thinking, what would that look like? Everyone just saying whatever.
My mind reacts in a kind of horror at the thought.  Imagine the battles what would ensue.  And why, over some words?  Do my words always reflect my intentions, my feelings? Not at all. I filter. I edit. And it gets further filtered when it comes to actions.
Sometimes I think it a lack in our language.  But in reflecting on it, I think it more likely that in our development we are taught language, we are taught action and reaction.  What I feel like we aren't taught, or what is taught right out of us, is compassion.
Through a filter of compassion, either upon leaving the brain or being received, I believe our communications would actually be more effective.  At present it doesn't allow for.........more. The true expansiveness that is the self.  
 

Friday dance! Yas! YAASSS!!!  Even though it means I have a long day ahead of me since I have my painting workshop tonight!  And amazeballs I have 8 people! That's huge for me right now!
I've gone from having sometimes 20 people and doing 2 classes a week, to either canceling events or having one or 2 people. I've been SUPER frustrated. 
Something what frustrates me more is the dissonance between marketing and allowing.  I've struggled to lean into the belief that if you do something of value, the right people will be drawn to that. That you shouldn't have to kill yourself trying to attract your people.  
Marketing teaches you that you do have to work yourself, it feels like to death, posting twice a day, emailing once a week, replying to comments, creating new content, AND still feel like creating new art.
I firmly believe art is created for the sake of creating art, so creating so I have things to sell or things that WILL sell....they just don't fit. I find myself in that argument in my head quite often.
Still, I'm glad it's Friday!  I can chose to have gratitude for the super cool 8 people painting with me tonight.  Gratitude for the things on my "to do" list this weekend.
and gratitude for this outlet keeping me semi-sane.
Thanks everyone!
Holding compassionate space
​~deb

I'm back to work today after allowing myself 3 days off.  I wasn't stressing blogging today because it seems like I usually have more time at work.  Hahaha! Nope, it was catch up time.
But here I am.
While I've struggled for content, I've really enjoyed and been learning so much from everyone else's blogs!  I love the variety of people in our circle and yet the synchronicities are still found, further deepening my feeling of being held in the container.
I find myself itching to get back to Red Thread circles after shying away due to lack of interest.
I'm just going to have to do it.  Despite and because. Despite there being community interest and because there isn't community interest.  Because I firmly believe in the healing it has to offer. I understand being too busy to make time to literally slow down and just be.  I forget every damn day how much of a necessity it is. And it is one. 
so holding space, for you as much as myself, beloved creatives,
~deb♥

My allergies have been off the hook!  And the day got away from me.
So for today's blog, I'm pulling out something I wrote about a year ago to share.
It still feels true.

So often things don’t live up to expectations. This mini retreat I planned has been no different. Expecting some peaceful exploration, I was met with energy bombardment and little sleep to further widen that gap. I’m finding myself needing to be met with kindness. For myself, from myself.
Allowing feeling like crying. Allowing frustration.
Allowing myself to feel completely pissed off that my boundaries aren’t being respected.
and leaning into knowing they are stuck in a wounded self too.
but that doesn’t make it ok. Just not worthy of my anger.
Practicing kindness, practicing gratitude ( really fucking hard. Ok, I not there yet, dually noted)

I've entered into circle.  This blog actually feels like a circle, all the fabulous feminine sharing.
I have a circle of friends there as a constant, both new and old. A lovely thing, that contact.  
A circle of family, ties redder than most with some and darkening with others, but still held within the circle.
I have also developed an awesome online circle of amazing artists, leaders, seers, medicine women.  A wonderful balm to my ragged soul.
I trained as a Red Thread Circle leader 2 years ago, hoping to offer that container to my community.  It's a work in progress, one I hope to progress more soon.
I am in circle with my inner wisdom, that access to the universe, so an expansive circle.
Today I wear the red thread to remind of my connection.
And for all of you lovelies in my circle.
Holding space for you,
~deb♥

I awoke to thoughts of Easter in mind.
Of sunrises.
A bittersweet memory of day with that boy whole filled my vision,
And a smile for a blunder.
A dawn innumerable,
awake to a season of birth and re-birth.
An invitation was made,
how will you respond.
No answer required, the opportunity exists
to dwell in possibility.
Peace allowed.
Reluctant to emerge from my cocoon of shelter,
into the world of static noise,
wrapped in a cloak of inner peace,
a toe begins the step.
The whirlwind world may destroy the body, 
it cannot subdue the light.