Playing safe (day 20 blogging with Effy Wild)

I wrote a completely different blog. I chickened out on posting it.
It was a rant about social media. I am going to save it for after the 30 days is finished. I just don't want to put something so volatile out there in this public of forum. (the group)
So picking a more safe topic, I've been thinking about developing a practice that I share with a membership on art journaling as a way of holding myself accountable. I realized years ago that art was healing for me. And I have a firm belief that creativity is the essence of the soul. Since then I've looked for a good way to share that with others. I've realized that for it to be truly beneficial it needs to be a practice, likely a daily one.
I'm not good about a daily practice. I do art often for sure. And I know a daily practice would benefit me in the mindfulness area.  But I am having a hard time making it a practice. EVEN though I KNOW it would be good for me.  AND I know it would be good for other people! And I know that if I have people depending on me, I'm more likely to do it.
BUT - that just further proves and abets the fact that I am better at taking care of other people than I am at taking care of myself.  I'll do it for someone else, but not for me. So if I put myself in the position of "having" to take care of my members, am I actually hamstringing myself? And not taking care of myself?
Or am I buying into psychobabble, and I would actually be in service to others, which is a legitimate calling....Does a calling have to have a clear and concise syllabus? Cuz mine doesn't! 
Interesting how I can flip flop on all this. Maybe it's just fear. Likely it's just fear.  Did I say I picked a safe topic? I meant for the reader in general, I'm never safe. Am I ever safe?  I feel safe doing art. Mostly.
Ok, I feel safe just being creative. With no end goal. And that's why all the above.
holding space for my ramblings....
​~deb

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