I've come to the realization that I did it all wrong.
I had to have. I lived my life wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing. I worked hard, sometimes 3 jobs at a time. Stayed in my job positions for long periods. Kept my nose to the grindstone. Didn't make extravagant purchases. And yet here I am. Months from not having a home Dollars from being considered low income (but not close enough to get any help). Single income home I did it wrong I should have remarried and been marginalized Is that CEO really smarter, better? How did I fall short? I should have gone to school and been generalized Racked up huge debt and been capitalized. Would I then be worthy? Is it all luck? Fate? It makes you question your worth Do I want too much? Is comfort a luxury? Not having to worry too much to ask? Life is a struggle, but ALL struggle? How do I find gratitude in lack? Lack I've heard there is no such thing Does the starving child not suffer from lack? The world moves on to build it's wealth Literally on the backs of the have nots I am prostrated by priniciple? no, it's been by fear. Did I soothe my fear with lies Lies that I don't want the debt Lies about doing the right thing My inner wisdom knows Those physical belongings are not about worth My traumatized self just wants comfort In a small home That isn't a struggle to afford Damn the worth. Soothe me Give me peace Letting go is required Just a room Let go cling to peace My dreams are tears Flow forward To nothing
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January 2024
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