Mistakes

​I made a mistake
I am in a tailspin
It was compounded
When someone else must explain
Makes me feel like a kid
With my hand in the cookie jar
They refuse to understand
No forgiveness
How can I forgive myself
What else am I doing wrong
It feels like drowning in a pit
Of ineptness
My heart hurts
That child shrivels under scrutiny
That expectation
Put your arms around that child
And whisper – “you are enough”
You are perfect.
One mistake does not change that
In the huge universe, where your light shines
This small shadow can barely be seen.
YOU aren’t invisible
They are

---

An aside
I had read a post by Andrea Schroeder with Creative Dream Incubator this morning while I was struggling.
She was talking about struggling with resistance.  Hers was about a project.
But I think it might apply to many struggles.
It means it is time to slow down and honor how we are feeling (as Andrea points out).  For as many rounds as that takes.  OH and does it take some rounds…
I had hoped writing ^^^ that poem(?) would get it all out.  Nah, my thoughts still kept going round- worrying at it. Holding those imaginary arguments in my head.  I was pretty frustrated by that.  But I realize my highly developed need to fight for myself has taught me some not so helpful habits.  And I can forgive myself for that too.
Back to allowing.  Back to loving myself, regardless.  Just….love.
 
(and love for those people, who don’t know any better than I did...do?.....did.  I’ll get there on that…..but probably not today….)