My heart had been hurting anyway. Just feeling this like deep sad.
I've been mourning the loss of a dream and of my home. Do I have a perfectly good home, well, sort of. Apparently it's going to cost a mint to heat, which sucks. And I love living closer to work and town.
But living IN town? It sucks. I want to be a trusting person. I can't be. Before I even was moved into my new place, I had something stolen. 2 months in, a brand new 3 wheel bike (no I'm not calling it a trike!) was stolen from my yard.
It feels so GODDAMN defeating to work so hard and have other people just snatch it from you.
So, I divorce myself from wants, yet again....it doesn't seem fair to have to do so, but in truth we aren't guaranteed a damn thing in this life other than struggle. Yeah, I should look at struggles as challenges that just make me stronger. I'm not there. It hurts and it just needs to hurt for bit. Maybe forever.