I've really been struggling lately. Interactions with people have just left me feeling so irritated. It just kept piling up. I knew I was feeling cranky and needed an attitude adjustment. But how?
I was delving into it. I know I can't change other people, only my response. But it somehow felt like by not reacting I was just shriveling up and shrinking back into a hole that says I don't matter.
I suddenly realized, that shriveled up, holed up me needed to be offered love.
If other people aren't doing it (and oh boy are they NOT), I can offer it to myself.
I know, we are told to love ourselves, all the time. I've even posted about it. Somehow, it feels very different to say "give love to yourself". Like, instead of just default to "love yourself" (which we don't....it's closer to abuse really, what we do to ourselves), it feels like it's an act in a moment. Or maybe it's because loving yourself feels like you should have always felt that way or always do. And offering love to yourself acknowledges that there is a hurt inner you that needs something from the mindful self. Hell, it's probably as simple as that actually acknowledging that hurt inner you. The wounded self.
Took me awhile to get there.
Me: How long do we have to do this?!
Me: Always. Lean into it.