I've come to the realization that I did it all wrong.
I had to have.
I lived my life wrong.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
I worked hard, sometimes 3 jobs at a time.
Stayed in my job positions for long periods.
Kept my nose to the grindstone.
Didn't make extravagant purchases.
And yet here I am. Months from not having a home
Dollars from being considered low income (but not close enough to get any help).
Single income home
I did it wrong
I should have remarried and been marginalized
Is that CEO really smarter, better?
How did I fall short?
I should have gone to school and been generalized
Racked up huge debt and been capitalized.
Would I then be worthy?
Is it all luck?
It makes you question your worth
Do I want too much?
Is comfort a luxury?
Not having to worry too much to ask?
Life is a struggle, but ALL struggle?
How do I find gratitude in lack?
I've heard there is no such thing
Does the starving child not suffer from lack?
The world moves on to build it's wealth
Literally on the backs of the have nots
I am prostrated by priniciple?
no, it's been by fear.
Did I soothe my fear with lies
Lies that I don't want the debt
Lies about doing the right thing
My inner wisdom knows
Those physical belongings are not about worth
My traumatized self just wants comfort
In a small home
That isn't a struggle to afford
Damn the worth.
Give me peace
Letting go is required
Just a room
cling to peace
My dreams are tears